


The first step is always the hardest

by Confused_duckling



Series: Baby steps [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cutting, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Harley is a good brother, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Marvel Universe, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Self-Harm, trigger warning, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-05-01 16:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19181644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confused_duckling/pseuds/Confused_duckling
Summary: Peter should know by now that everything change has a chain of events after. But he wasn’t quite ready for Harley to take away the things that have helped him the most.TW: self harm, cutting





	The first step is always the hardest

**Author's Note:**

> This isn’t the best but I think it fits well in the story. It might not make sense in places but I hope you like it :)

It was around 6:47pm when Peter found himself in his room staring outside. He was thinking about the days events and how Harley knew everything. Is he was being totally honest he scared him, Harley knew mostly everything and he knew Harley wasn’t going to use it against it but the whole concept was just scary. Once peter told Harley about it they had a movie marathon, watching Star Wars, moana and other Disney films. It had been a good day in all, even if the morning was emotional, and Peter enjoyed spending time with Harley. But he wasn’t quite sure if he liked the idea of Harley knowing. He knew Harley was going to make him stop and tell Tony, and he wasn’t quite sure if he could. The thing with self harm, to Peter anyways, was that once you start it was like it was the only thing stopping you from falling of a metaphorical cliff. It helped you stay alive and afloat even if you were right by the cliff side. 

He sighed and looked down at the New York’s streets, people were walking on the paths as the traffic filled the roads. The sun was about to set and the sky was turning darker. It was just like an average day in New York. But it wasn’t, not for peter. Today something had changed and he wasn’t the only one who knew about his secret and what he did. And now the following days and weeks wouldn’t be like before. It unnerved him really, how one thing can lead to a chain of changes but he should really know that by know. Considering with being spiderman and how much his life had changed he should know everything has a domino effect. Yet he never quite expects it. 

There was a knock at the door which was soon opened without his response. Harley appeared smiling slightly as he came into his room and closed the door.   
“Hey” he said. Peter smiled and continued to stare out his window. 

“Hi” he said quietly. He felt Harley sit next to him in his floor.   
“I know You probably really don’t want to do this after today however I need to take your blades” Harley said bluntly. Peter looked st him, his neck twisting so far it clicked. 

“Can’t you take them another day?” He tried to reason even though he knew it was be a lost cause. Harley sighed and stared out his window. 

“Peter, I know you don’t want me to and I know you don’t want them gone but I need to take them” Harley said firmly “please I don’t want to upset you or anything but I need your blades so they don’t tempt you” 

Peter shook his head and felt tears building up in his eyes, it was stupid really. He shouldn’t feel this upset over the idea of some objects being taken, but it felt like something of him was going to be taken. His blades, the things that were always there no matter were just going to be gone and peter didn’t like that. 

“No” Peter mumbled “please” he stared at Harley hoping that somehow it would change his mind. 

“You know I love you right? You’re my baby brother even if we aren’t blood related” Harley said, peter nodded unsure. 

“I love you too” peter said with a slight questioning tone. Harley turned to looked at him, turning his body fully so he was facing peter. 

“Then I need to do this Petey. Then we can just leave it for tonight okay? Then we can talk about it another time when we’re both less tired and we can tell tony yeah?” Harley said, Peter could hear desperation in his voice but it was so faint that peter wasn’t fully sure. 

“But it’s okay Harley. I promise you I won’t do anything. You can even have Friday tell you if I do” peter said hoping that Harley would agree. He felt tears in his eyes and knew they would fall if Harley didn’t agree with him. 

“Baby please, I need to take them today.” Harley said, his voice stern and his eyes glistening.   
Peter opened his mind to say something but soon closed it as he felt tears fall down his face. He looked at Harley and Harley looked back. 

“No” Peter said trying to keep his voice strong. Harley looked at him smiling sadly. 

“Peter I’m taking them and I know you don’t want me too. But I am. So you can help me or I can just look for them myself” Harley’s voice was firm but also gentle and peter knew whatever argument he was saying was just not working. He looked at his hands trying to think of what could be the best thing to do.   
If Harley looked for them himself he might not find all of them, however if peter helped him and gave him some, keeping a couple, Harley would think that was all right? 

“Fine. I’ll help” peter mumbled hoping his plan would work. Harley pulled him into a hug and smiled. 

“Thank you baby” he whispered, Harley wanted to do this as quickly as possible so it could be done and he could just watch Netflix with peter as he kept an eye on him. 

“How many do you have?” Harley asked peter broke up the hug. Peter looked down at his hands. 

“Three” he replied, he had 2 razors blades, a craft knife blade and 2 sharpener blades. He had used a razor blade when Harley had caught him and he knew it was still under his pillow. The rest of them was in an envelope that was hidden away in an old textbook from school that was in his desk drawers. 

“Okay then where are they” Harley asked, he tried to keep his voice strong and firm but he wasn’t sure if he was working.

“I’ll get them” peter sighed as he got up. He walked over to his desk and pulled open the drawer. He quickly found the textbook and opened it to the page he had mesmerised, there place inside it was a white envelope. He felt Harley eyes on him so he quickly opened the envelope and shook 2 of the blades out hiding them within the textbook and his clutter. Quickly closing the drawer he kept his eyes looking at the ground as he walked back to Harley. 

“Here’s 2” he mumbled as he felt tears falling down his cheeks. Harley took the envelope of him and put it him his jeans pockets. 

“Where’s the other one?” Harley asked as he stood up. Peter sighed pointing to his bed. 

“It’s under my pillow. I didn’t had time to move it when you caught me” peter muttered, Harley hummed and went to get it as peter stayed stood. 

“I’m so proud of you baby” Harley said as he slipped the blade into his pocket. He stood infront of peter looking st the younger boy. Peter felt terrible if he was honest and felt more tears. He fell into Harley as his crying picked up turning into sobs. He felt Harley arms wrap around him as he was bought into his chest. 

“Shh” Harley said trying to calm him “I got you baby nothing bad is going to happen.”   
Peter held onto Harley as he let himself cry for what seemed like the 10th time today. 

“I’m sorry” he sobbed “I’m so sorry” Harley held him tighter humming quietly. 

“You have no reason to be sorry Petey. No reason” Harley comforted the younger boy. Peter shook his head. He was lying to him and he knew Harley would be mad if he knew but he couldn’t let go of all of the blades. Not yet. 

“Come on let’s sit down yeah?” Harley said guiding him to his bed. They both sat down with their backs leaning against the head board. Peter was on Harley’s side and his head rested against his brothers chest. Tears still round their way down his cheeks and his sobs started to turn into sniffles. 

“It’s okay” Harley said “I know this must of been hard and I know you’re still going to find ways to hurt yourself as we both know you can’t just stop. But I’m so proud of you for taking this step. It’s so brave of you, you know”

Peter shook his head in disagreement, he wasn’t brave. He was weak, he was crying over objects and how he couldn’t cope without them. He relied on them just so he could be okay. He wasn’t brave, he was the opposite of it. 

“Disagree all you want. You are to me. “ Harley mumbled quietly, rocking him slightly. Peter leant into Harley more as he felt the guilt creeping up on him. Breathing in his brothers scent he felt safe. Maybe he was wrong to lie and maybe he should of been totally honest with Harley. But he wasn’t and he could deal with that later but for now he let himself cry and feel safe in the arms of his older brother.


End file.
